New Day

Well, the couch is shit-free. That about sums up my yesterday after Olivia waddled over to me, arms outstretched and a worried look on her face. She had plunged her hands into her diaper and come up with fistfuls of yuck for Mom to inspect. We had stayed too long at play group where she'd become cranky. I hustled her out and she fell asleep in the bike seat on the way home, flopping from side to side like a fish, her dead weight sending the bike careening side to side.

We got into the house and discovered the floor covered in a fine layer of tortilla chip crumbs, the detritus of Sadie's counter surfing. Tried to get Olivia down for a proper nap. No go. She was playing quietly in her room when I heard a noise that got my Mom radar up. Next thing she's scampering into the room to show me the contents of her diaper. After I stripped down both Olivia and the couch and washed everything, Mom and daughter were way past tired. I figure: supper and early bedtime and we sat down to eat. Olivia thought it was funny to smear her face with guacamole and black beans. She thought it was really funny to then hotfoot over to the freshly washed slip covers and smear her face into them.

Aaron gave notice yesterday to the various folks at work. His supervisor at the client was supportive. His immediate boss was not very congenial which makes us worried that we will again go through torture with Aaron getting completely and timely paid for the last time. In all likelihood he will have to sue to try to recover all the money he is owed.

It has been a sweet shift to see Aaron so excited at the prospect of a new opportunity and being able to cut his connection with his current toxic, narcissistic "employer". He is actually going to take a few days off in between the two jobs and catch up. He is back in school and some time off from work will let him sleep a bit more, concentrate on homework and exercise some different muscles. Aaron bought a bike at a garage sale so we should be able to take some family rides now too.

Having Aaron home for a few days will free me up to go get my hair cut and perhaps read a book or two. I am really feeling the burden of no childcare back-up. On days like yesterday I wish I had someone who could step in for an hour or so and let me shift the energy so that I am not so cranky with my daughter. She deserves that. Just now she asked for a bottle of milk. As I was readying it she threw her arms in the air with a big grin and shouted "happy!"

Turn and Face The Strange

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes. A week of ups and downs. On the job front: Aaron had a few interviews this week. One that may have involved a verbal offer. I say "may" because there was drinking involved and so far no paperwork to back it up, so it ain't an offer until there's a contract. Would be a long-term contract here in the Bay Area. I had another meeting today with the same company I spoke with before. They'd like to hire me but, with the economy being what it is, can't justify it. They'd like to check back to see if they could hire me at the first of the year. So kinda good news. "Always nice to be asked to dance" as my Dad often says.

Two visits to the veterinarian in a week. So not what we needed, improbably bad timing. Poor Sadie, she didn't eat for a week and was vomiting bile for days, shivering and listless. Apparently she ate something, we don't know what, that tore up her insides as it passed. She lost about 4lbs but seems to be getting better today. The vet gave her a shot for the nausea and some canned food to go easy on her stomach. She's still not interested in eating, but she is moving around more at least. We should have her blood results tomorrow. Our sweet buddy, as if a shaved butt and multiple injections were not insult enough. Rough week for dogs.

Olivia had her 18-month check-up today and was, of course, top of her class. "Definitely not autistic." Thanks. The pediatrician said we were doing everything right, which was good to hear since it feels like we are bumbling along. She just said that we needed to wean Olivia off her nighttime bottle pronto. Uh-huh. Also said to take the crib down and put the mattress (or in her case, dog bed) on the floor, since Olivia is climbing out of the crib. Ri-ight. No worries, nothing to it.

SO tonight's bedtime, with all of the changes to the going-to-bed routine, resulted in 2+ hours of wailing and tears -- surprisingly, none from me. We have a week or two of this apparently. Sadie stayed nearby until Olivia was asleep and then retreated to a cool place. The parents carbo-loaded on chips and lemon tart and made a resolution that, while tomorrow we'd get back up on the diet horse, today needed a bit of celebration.

If At First You Don't Succeed

Don't try skydiving.

Ok, ok -- bad joke. But I was thinking again of the definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. So maybe the most effective thing to do to create momentum is to stop expecting? Just see where it goes. Be curious rather than expectant.

I tried to change the energy up this weekend by planning a few things that are out of our usual routine. Friday night we went to a kid's dance. There was free pizza and a juggler and a clown and the kids got to run around and make a lot of noise. Wholesome fun for all of us. Then a nice family outing on Saturday. I had arranged with a friend for Aaron to get a ride in a Huey -- a pristine Vietnam era combat-ready helicopter. My friend Wayne, who is a Vietnam vet, has been spending the last year or so helping to restore it to perfect military spec. So while Aaron was flying, Olivia and I hung around the hangar and ate BBQ. It was a beautiful clear sunny afternoon and everybody was all smiles. We all needed to exercise a completely different set of muscles and just do something fun.

Sunday we looked for a Halloween costume for Olivia. No luck; not much out there in her size. We did put her in a chicken suit, which she looked adorable in, but she hated it. So nothing with a hood or a hat or she cries.

Aaron had a good interview today and has another this week. He is noticeably more happy just at the prospect of something turning around. Any good thoughts you can send our way, please do.

Wide Awake

In an attempt to get Olivia back to her old sleep schedule I forewent her midday nap yesterday; she was a crabby beast (or, as my friend Jack says, a snappy turtle) all afternoon and began search-and-destroy around dinner time. We put her exhausted self down at 7PM last night and she went right to sleep -- for an hour. Then scampered out of her crib and into the living room, all smiles and waving hands, primed to watch a few episodes of NCIS with Mom and Dad.

A few more rounds of putting her back in her crib and then finally, exhausted Mom and Dad, gave up and tucked her in with us. After a few hours of somersaults she peed in the bed and I gave up and went to lie down in Olivia's room. Then at around 4:30AM Aaron's alarm went off on his phone. He woke up just long enough to shut it off, but I was jolted awake, so here I sit worrying and writing. My kingdom for 10 hours of uninterrupted sleep.

I'd read somewhere that if you truly knew someone else's problems you'd want your own back in a hurry. I had lunch yesterday with a dear friend of mine, she's single and still navigating the dating scene, and I thought later "trade you financial crisis, back spasms and not enough sleep for a few unreturned phone calls from a guy you recently met." Takers? Anyone?

Probably time to go to mass and check in with the rest of the congregation. It's where I get a sharp reminder that we are healthy, me and my loved ones, and the rest is all gravy.

There's Always Tomorrow

Well, what we didn't need was a $300 vet bill on top of a smog test for the car and new medical bills arriving in the mail today. Oh, and the $1500 of expenses from June? Still not paid. So, like any two people who have been deprived of carbs for two weeks, Aaron and I put a big dent in the bag of Halloween candy this evening once Olivia finally went to sleep. She had no nap today and was fretful and wired. We'd had no nap today and no bread since August, an ugly combination.

I was supposed to again have a conversation today with a (maybe, possibly) potential employer; it had been postponed twice before. We did talk -- to reschedule again for next week. I feel as though I didn't get asked to the prom. If I had any other job leads it wouldn't have loomed so large nor been such a disappointment.

The whole family went to the vet's office to get Sadie treated. Poor thing ended up getting most of her rear end shaved. She was a trouper throughout, though if it's possible for dogs to be embarrassed, she sure looked it. Olivia seemed frightened of Sadie's new 'do. As we walked home with our mohawked dog, Olivia screaming with fatigue and hunger and trying to climb out of the stroller, Aaron tried to offer me what comfort he could: "Garlic bread? Ice cream? Ravioli?"

We came home and dutifully ate a South Beach Diet meal of chicken and vegetables. Then afterward, when today, last week, the last 6 months, came galloping to the forefront we opened the bag of candy to know some sweetness, however temporary.

One Little Monkey

Our cover is blown: Olivia figured out how to climb out of her crib. One minute wails of indignity at being locked up, the next minute giggles as she then chatters happily down the hall to greet us in the living room.

We have all been under the weather this week, not the flu but not well either. Aaron worked from home today but didn't get much rest. Olivia was up early and in busy bee mode, unlike her parents who were craving a few more hours of sleep.

Mid-day Aaron had a conference call while I was in the bathroom. Olivia opened the bathroom door, darted in, stole the last bit of toilet paper on the roll as I sat captive on the bowl and gleefully ran out again with the paper streaming behind her. Of course Aaron couldn't rescue me as he was still on a conference call and unaware of the little monkey's reconnaissance mission. No kleenex on top of the toilet as there usually is. I had a lot of time to contemplate my situation.

The job front this week showed the same malaise as our immunity systems. I sent 3 inquiries to the last organization I interviewed at just to try to get some sort of response back from them. Nothing. I figured the job has been filled but I didn't even get a rejection e-mail after interviewing with 3 people! Aaron still hasn't been paid his expenses from 2 months ago and got turned down for a few other jobs he'd applied for. Which begs the no-win question "Is it better to get rejection letters or no response at all?"

Tomorrow and Tomorrow

We had a nice dinner Sunday night at my friends Jeremy and Lana's house. We hadn't seen them for ages and Jeremy and I have been friends for ages. I was remarking how being a new parent brings up all kinds of anxieties about your competency and Olivia took a header down some concrete steps. Once we determined that her eye was safe I could breathe again, for there was a lot of blood.

Now Olivia looks as though she'd been truffle hunting. Her nose is all scraped and scabbed as is her forehead. Steady applications of Neosporin and Popsicles have kept the patient happy but her Mom feels terrible whenever she looks at that poor nose.

The Bay Bridge is not reopening today and it doesn't affect me at all. Thousands of commuters are anticipating an ugly route to work today, but I have nowhere to be. Lucky me.

The NY Times had a front-page piece on the discouraged job seeker and I couldn't do more than glance at it. What's it going to tell me that I don't already know?

Today my intrepid daughter and I will run some mundane errands and no doubt swing on a swing or slide down a slide. I'll continue to chafe against this stupid low-carb diet. While she naps I will muster what's left of my attention span and seek work. Some days it seems that way madness lies.