I am realizing that the hot weather has lent an unfamiliar shape to my days. For so long, living in California, mornings were a time to putter and wait for the fog to burn off. Here, it is so brutally hot most days that you need to get outdoor activities handled before about 9:30AM or else they will languish.
At least if you are someone unused to the torpor brought on by heat and humidity. I'd always assumed that I would welcome the warmth -- and I do -- but it definitely curtails my movements. How I wish I lived in a place that had siesta!
We finally bit the bullet and bought a lawnmower yesterday. This morning Aaron christened it by mowing one side of the front lawn, which promptly caused the mower to spew oil and stop altogether. Seemed fitting, as if our reluctance caused the machine to lose it's mojo. It knew it wasn't really wanted.
In this short time blogging tonight I have been interrupted 3 times by the appearance of a very large bug. I hate that I am so thoroughly creeped out by certain insects. This one required Aaron's intervention since there was no way I was going to be able to get near enough to kill it. My sweet husband was all tucked in cozy in bed, and each time I screamed he got up and chased the bug until he was able to catch it and flush it down the toilet. Score one for having been brought up in El Paso.
I will be going out of town for a few days after the 4th of July holiday to manage a workshop. Then a few days after that Olivia and I will be going to Illinois to help a friend of mine expand her business. I am looking forward to stretching my muscles, as far as work goes. This trying to fit work in around Olivia's nap schedule has been challenging and I usually end up working on stuff late at night when the household is asleep.
So we'll see how this summer ends up: a little work for me, some time apart again for Aaron and I, visits with people I haven't seen in a while. The mish-mash of getting your legs under you again.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Hit Reset
Last weekend Aaron and I went away for an evening without Olivia. Heaven. First time in over a year that we were able to be talk without constant interruption and it allowed us to remember some things about who we are and what we love about each other.
One of the things that has been percolating in my head, and in this blog a bit, is what my next career move is. Having that little bit of space last weekend allowed me to articulate to Aaron just what was causing me to be so reluctant to return to the kind of work I know to do.
When I considered Corporate Training or HR, what I kept knocking up against is the need for business people to constantly quantify their contribution. It's all about metrics and how to skew them, analyze them, communicate them and use them to your advantage -- all resulting in PowerPoint presentations that bore the hell out of people.
That is not what I am best at. Where I shine is in the ambiguous area of relating to people where they are at and helping them get to a better place. Not very quantifiable. But really gratifying.
So, I have changed tack. I am not going to pursue what I already know and what I already know does not light me up. I am not sure what the shape is of what is next for me but, if the idea makes me tired, I can be sure it's not for me.
I'll let you know how it goes.
One of the things that has been percolating in my head, and in this blog a bit, is what my next career move is. Having that little bit of space last weekend allowed me to articulate to Aaron just what was causing me to be so reluctant to return to the kind of work I know to do.
When I considered Corporate Training or HR, what I kept knocking up against is the need for business people to constantly quantify their contribution. It's all about metrics and how to skew them, analyze them, communicate them and use them to your advantage -- all resulting in PowerPoint presentations that bore the hell out of people.
That is not what I am best at. Where I shine is in the ambiguous area of relating to people where they are at and helping them get to a better place. Not very quantifiable. But really gratifying.
So, I have changed tack. I am not going to pursue what I already know and what I already know does not light me up. I am not sure what the shape is of what is next for me but, if the idea makes me tired, I can be sure it's not for me.
I'll let you know how it goes.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
So Much Things To Say
I had started this blog intending for it to be a short bridge. Just a way to keep in touch until Aaron and I were redeployed into our new jobs. I never thought that I would have cause for it be in existence all this time later.
As much as we have both struggled to find work I have struggled to find confidence. Last week a friend of mine asked me to write for her website and I struggled for days with feeling absolutely inadequate to the task. This for a subject that I know a lot about, and for a friend who had complete faith in me, and yet I had to give myself a good talking to before I could say yes.
The casualties of long-term unemployment are intangible. At first the losses were real and tangible: foreclosure, huge debt, inability to pay bills, go out, travel. But now what is lost is the ability to be seen. I feel like a ghost walking amongst the living, albeit a ghost with a bad dye job. And I don't have the ability to relax -- that muscle is long gone. I've gotten all control freak-y and humorless. Thank goodness there is a 2 year-old around to make me laugh.
I hurt my back the other day while refinishing some furniture; it was almost inevitable since I am strung like a bow. I just needed a feather's touch to knock me over into injury. I find myself acting like someone that I would have made fun of 4 years ago: all strung out by the house being messy or the kid smushing potato chips into her hair, as though it matters.
But that veering from snappishness to laughter seems appropriate for the weird circumstance that is the stay-at-home Mom's. On one hand you are isolated from grown-up conversations, the hustle and flow of business life, the headaches of commuting and meetings, the connection of your morning coffee stop and chats with colleagues. On the other, you are without any moment of alone time -- whether you are eating or going to the bathroom or trying to take a phone call. There is no let up.
Aaron is literally working around the clock. There have been several challenges (of the un-fun kind) to his new position. The upshot is that he has had to be up at all hours on conference calls, trying to do the IT version of catching a tiger by the tail. We'd hoped to go away this weekend to Asheville, but we may have to defer to a more amenable time.
For my birthday Aaron got me a kitten, Jethro. He is a 2 lb bundle of nuttiness. It has been many years since I had a kitten and I'd forgotten their unpredictability. Though he has started a routine of gnawing my ear to tell me he wants to be fed. He and Sadie have reached detente, with each of them understanding that they are the favorite.
My days here have a sort of bockety rhythm to them, punctuated with meltdowns by either Olivia or me. We get up, argue over whether Olivia will watch TV, check the weather to see if we'll have more rain, go to the park or the Y, after dinner spend a couple of hours wrangling over bedtime. In between are chores and errands. Around it all is the sense that I'm dancing as fast as I can.
As much as we have both struggled to find work I have struggled to find confidence. Last week a friend of mine asked me to write for her website and I struggled for days with feeling absolutely inadequate to the task. This for a subject that I know a lot about, and for a friend who had complete faith in me, and yet I had to give myself a good talking to before I could say yes.
The casualties of long-term unemployment are intangible. At first the losses were real and tangible: foreclosure, huge debt, inability to pay bills, go out, travel. But now what is lost is the ability to be seen. I feel like a ghost walking amongst the living, albeit a ghost with a bad dye job. And I don't have the ability to relax -- that muscle is long gone. I've gotten all control freak-y and humorless. Thank goodness there is a 2 year-old around to make me laugh.
I hurt my back the other day while refinishing some furniture; it was almost inevitable since I am strung like a bow. I just needed a feather's touch to knock me over into injury. I find myself acting like someone that I would have made fun of 4 years ago: all strung out by the house being messy or the kid smushing potato chips into her hair, as though it matters.
But that veering from snappishness to laughter seems appropriate for the weird circumstance that is the stay-at-home Mom's. On one hand you are isolated from grown-up conversations, the hustle and flow of business life, the headaches of commuting and meetings, the connection of your morning coffee stop and chats with colleagues. On the other, you are without any moment of alone time -- whether you are eating or going to the bathroom or trying to take a phone call. There is no let up.
Aaron is literally working around the clock. There have been several challenges (of the un-fun kind) to his new position. The upshot is that he has had to be up at all hours on conference calls, trying to do the IT version of catching a tiger by the tail. We'd hoped to go away this weekend to Asheville, but we may have to defer to a more amenable time.
For my birthday Aaron got me a kitten, Jethro. He is a 2 lb bundle of nuttiness. It has been many years since I had a kitten and I'd forgotten their unpredictability. Though he has started a routine of gnawing my ear to tell me he wants to be fed. He and Sadie have reached detente, with each of them understanding that they are the favorite.
My days here have a sort of bockety rhythm to them, punctuated with meltdowns by either Olivia or me. We get up, argue over whether Olivia will watch TV, check the weather to see if we'll have more rain, go to the park or the Y, after dinner spend a couple of hours wrangling over bedtime. In between are chores and errands. Around it all is the sense that I'm dancing as fast as I can.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
California State of Mind
Aaron and I don't think of ourselves as having typically California outlooks, but of late we both recognize that apparently we are more west coast then we recognize. Restaurants use Styrofoam take out boxes and have smoking sections -- which seems like a real throw back. My experience going to Mass on Sunday was pretty somber. I's hoped to find a place on the more liberal end of the scale.but apparently this place was the liberal church. Whoops!
Aaron was introduced over the weekend this way: This is Aaron. He moved here from San Francisco, but he's alright, he's originally from Texas. He's married.
Sigh.
It's been raining forever. Every day it rains at least part of the day, which means if your travel by bike you don't leave the house much. Olivia and I are feeling cabin-fever-ish.
Since yesterday it rained hard most of the day, we didn't grill hamburgers outside as we intended to. Aaron took Olivia out of the house for a large portion of the day to give me some space to unpack some boxes. We have reclaimed a large section of the kitchen from the bone pile! It's looking more as if a family lives here and not a bunch of frat boys.
Still feeling isolated. I scan the local papers and magazines for opportunities to get connected with this place. Soon, right?
Aaron was introduced over the weekend this way: This is Aaron. He moved here from San Francisco, but he's alright, he's originally from Texas. He's married.
Sigh.
It's been raining forever. Every day it rains at least part of the day, which means if your travel by bike you don't leave the house much. Olivia and I are feeling cabin-fever-ish.
Since yesterday it rained hard most of the day, we didn't grill hamburgers outside as we intended to. Aaron took Olivia out of the house for a large portion of the day to give me some space to unpack some boxes. We have reclaimed a large section of the kitchen from the bone pile! It's looking more as if a family lives here and not a bunch of frat boys.
Still feeling isolated. I scan the local papers and magazines for opportunities to get connected with this place. Soon, right?
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