I got a lovely and unexpected gift this week from my friend Lori. I've known Lori for 20 years but she lives in LA so I don't get to see her that often. The other day I opened a very belated birthday card that contained a gift card, as well as copies of a bunch of e-mails that she and I had exchanged in 1997.
It was like looking at an old yearbook without having to cringe at the bad hairstyles. Instead there was a time capsule of us and I remembered that, at least in my 20s, I was really funny. I mean laugh out loud blow-milk-out-your-nose really really funny. Which of course made me wonder "When did I stop being funny?" but I don't know if it would be helpful to pinpoint.
What was helpful was getting the reminder that some friends stick around and think your wonderful even when it feels like you're boring and toxic. So now I have to go. I need to call my friend Lori and let her know how much I love her.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Autumn Leaves
We had a precipitous weather change in a week here. It went from mid 90's to mid 70's in 2 days. I am finding it easier to function now that it's cooler and it's really sweet being out on the bike now.
I spent 2 days last weekend doing some volunteer work at the local Y. I have really missed the hospital ministry I used to do in SF and was looking for some way to occupy myself and meet new people. I did 2 four-hour shifts helping out at a giant consignment sale that the Y holds twice a year. Didn't meet anyone particular but it was pleasant to be out of the house and contributing.
Turns out the timing was perfect. I had what looks to be a friendship-ending disagreement with the friend I did work for this summer over payment. As in, she doesn't want to pay me what she agreed to on the invoice I gave her in August. After lots of back-and-forth nothing was resolved.
At first I was really upset that yet another friendship was ending; the last few years have made me wonder if I am some sort of kryptonite. I used to think that an end of a relationship made room for another to enter, but I am just ending up with a lot of space in my friendship area.
Then, of course, I was upset with not being paid. I'd had that money earmarked and not receiving it put me into a tailspin for a few hours. So it was actually soothing to sort racks of clothing and haul items from sidewalk to building, mindless busy work. Plus, I cycled home in half my usual time!
This week I made some tentative peace with it. I don't really know what else to do. Keeping on with the things I can.
I spent 2 days last weekend doing some volunteer work at the local Y. I have really missed the hospital ministry I used to do in SF and was looking for some way to occupy myself and meet new people. I did 2 four-hour shifts helping out at a giant consignment sale that the Y holds twice a year. Didn't meet anyone particular but it was pleasant to be out of the house and contributing.
Turns out the timing was perfect. I had what looks to be a friendship-ending disagreement with the friend I did work for this summer over payment. As in, she doesn't want to pay me what she agreed to on the invoice I gave her in August. After lots of back-and-forth nothing was resolved.
At first I was really upset that yet another friendship was ending; the last few years have made me wonder if I am some sort of kryptonite. I used to think that an end of a relationship made room for another to enter, but I am just ending up with a lot of space in my friendship area.
Then, of course, I was upset with not being paid. I'd had that money earmarked and not receiving it put me into a tailspin for a few hours. So it was actually soothing to sort racks of clothing and haul items from sidewalk to building, mindless busy work. Plus, I cycled home in half my usual time!
This week I made some tentative peace with it. I don't really know what else to do. Keeping on with the things I can.
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