Ah so!

I have been trying to figure out the source of my deep fatigue and general somberness of late. When I finally recognized it I felt somewhat stupid: grief. I am finally grieving all the losses: two long-term friendships, my grandmother, our condo, our savings, Aaron's job, nearby family, work that I am good at, the dream of a house of our own, time to read, having a car to use, 8 hours of sleep per night. The list goes on, from the important to the petty.

What brought it to the fore was a comment from Father Tom. As we were helping him move last weekend to his new digs, someone again commented on how well he was handling cancer, his impending surgery and the end of his career. He said "I am doing what I would advise any of my parishioners to do under these circumstances: grieving." And there I recognized a kindred spirit.

Everything I have read about grief supports that it is not linear, there is no time line to be done with it. Heck, I've taught many workshops on working through adverse change! I find myself coping in ways I don't recommend --like self medicating with cheese croissants or dumb TV. Yet I am reminded of that James Barrie quote "Be kinder than necessary, because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."