Been thinking a lot lately about the difference between optimism and magical thinking. Or if there even is a difference. You need optimism to move forward and yet when is the positive self-talk just self-delusion? After more than 2 years of quasi-employment, when am I committing something like fraud when I claim I would be a valuable addition to an organization? Is my opinion more important or is an employer's? Is the whole concept of worth just one big fiction? Are there skills and experiences that have innate worth or is it all just a matter of market forces?
I had a similar debate with myself when I tied to discern the difference between praying and just begging. We've probably all been in a place where we pleaded with some God to "please help" us. I finally came to the conclusion that what made one plea a perhaps sacred act, and the other just a vocal exercise, was the presence of faith. If you knew that there was actually a provider who'd salve your wounds or solve your problem, it was a prayer you were offering up.
With the daily pep talk I give myself I don't have a sense that there is any foundation to it. I feel like I am repeating nonsense sounds. The reassurances I get from people sound hollow: "it's just an awful economy", "something will come through", you've got "GREAT" skills". So why is it I routinely run up against people who are bad at their jobs, mean to customers, rude to candidates, inefficient and wrong-minded but yet they are employed in this bad economy? Why haven't they been replaced by those of us with "great skills"?
How do I tell myself I am a good Mom when I am not providing for my kid? If this situation doesn't turn around soon, who does she look to for an example?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment