Flatlining

If it's possible to have a backlog of thinking, I have it. Olliepop and I have been in Chicagoland for the last few weeks at a friend's house. My time is so fractured with all of the children and dogs running through the house, that I literally don't have time to finish a thought.

Been waking up at 4:30 - 5:00AM the last week or so and just lying in bed catching up on my thinking. I was only in Charlotte for about 6 weeks before I went to Boulder and then here. When we get home next week, we'll be there about 4 days and then we'll head for CT for 2 weeks, effectively winding up the summer.

No wonder when people ask "How are you settling in to Charlotte?" I don't have an answer. I've barely been there.

My dreams of late have all been about the house I grew up in. I realize I have been trying to get my own little beach house my whole adult life and I am no closer than ever. It's time I focus on what will best support ME, rather than all the people around me. I feel as though I have been on hold with all of the various moves for Aaron's work and I don't know how to determine what I want anymore all on my own.

Trying to be a supportive wife, loving mom and loyal friend has made me feel as though I am not being successful at any of those roles, with all of the fracturing. And maybe that's just how it is in the meanwhile until I am caught up.