Contrasts

This morning we all went into the city together. I went to Mass and then to the hospital to do my monthly volunteer work. Aaron took the kid and the dog to the park so everyone could romp.

As I sat in the pew waiting for Mass to begin I chatted with George, another parishioner. He asked how I was doing and I mentioned we were betwixt and between with our incomes and career. He mentioned that his son Will had cancer and how very frightened he was for the first time in his life.

Then the homily was delivered by one of the substitute priests who I didn't know. He had a campy style that took some getting used to. But once he got his momentum he spoke of the need to not cast God in our own image, to not expect God to instantly give us everything we expect or pray for. To look for God's presence when you've lost your job, failed a test, got a poor prognosis. George and I looked at each other and nodded.

Then I walked up the hill from the church to the hospital and did my ministry rounds. One of my patients was a nun. It makes me nervous when my patients are clergy, I feel as though I were asked to cook for Julia Child.

As always after volunteering, I came out of the hospital feeling buoyed and calm. Called Aaron to see where he was and learned (a) he was at the beach (b)he has some news (c) he'd tell me when he picked me up.

When I leaned in to the car the first thing I noticed was Olivia bundled up in a towel. Sadie was all wet. Aaron wasn't wearing shoes. In January. The "news" was that Sadie and Olivia had been enjoying themselves immensely running up and down the shoreline, then Sadie began to peel off in a different direction. As Aaron turned to get her back Olivia got whacked by a wave and pulled into the surf.

Aaron immediately jumped in the water and grabbed Olivia out. She was upset and soaked through. Sadie was nowhere around. Aaron managed to get everyone back up to the parking lot, got Olivia into dry clothes, got Sadie back. That's when I called in all chirpy.

After Aaron had picked me up and we were driving for a bit he got sort of cloudy-headed and agitated. All the fear and anger about his ability to provide and protect coalesced. He's trying to fix this goddamn financial hole we're in and sees no light. He takes his family to the beach on the first sunny day in weeks and sees his baby swept up by a wave.

At a loss, I offered my experience with today's homily. He pulled the car over to the side of the road and we ate some snacks and tried to regroup. Olivia was already way past it and was clowning around in the back seat. Sadie searched frantically for any bits of dropped food. We felt the heat of the sun warm the car and watched a rollerblader glide past.

After a bit we drove home back over the bridge and the whole pack laid down for a nap. Aaron and I got up soon afterward and talked about what we could sell, what else we could do without, what does God look like in a dark room?